A friend of mine, who is a former legislator, said he stopped to buy roasted corn yesterday and almost fainted when he was told the price was N500 per cob.

Below is my reply to him:

“Why must you almost faint?

“Don’t you know the corn was initially imported all the way from Kansas, USA?

“However, in order to ensure proper preparation for the purpose of guaranteeing premium quality, it was then exported to Iceland for roasting (and you know how cold Iceland is, so it should cost quite a bit more to roast corn there).

“Thereafter, it was re-imported back to Nigeria.

“But by then the corn had become quite cold (it was actually shivering all the way from Iceland), so the lady selling it had to warm it along the road when you stopped by and she told you it is N500.

“By the way, I’m quite familiar with her and she’s a very active member of her church choir, so even if, God forbid, your enemy had fainted, she would have called her daddy G.O. to revive you immediately.

“Needless to say, the price might have increased to N1000 by the time all of that drama would have been over.

“That is, of course, quite apart from the tithe you would have to pay in the wake of such an awesome miracle (even though it is ultimately reducible to the price of roasted corn).

“Honourable, I actually think you made a very big mistake not buying that corn (just go and check the price tomorrow).

“That is not how to be a good citizen of the most religious nation on Earth; they give you price, you pay through your nose, give thanks and praise for being cheated by your fellowman and please remember to blame it all on the President of your country.

“It’s Monday, already, sé?

“Ramadan Kareem to our Muslim brothers and sisters.

“May nothing tempt you to take advantage of your fellowman or woman by arbitrarily increasing prices this holy month.”

Barr. Jesutega Onokpasa.